• Jul 04, 2023
So, for many, this may seem a little weird to be reading/listening to, but here goes.
I realized this past week that on one hand I hard started to reflect on and deal with my body positivity. As a woman, body positivity affects me because of the insane need for us to measure up to the cultural standards where I live. Larger breasts, smaller buttocks, thin, and I mean thin. Healthy for you or not thin.
I know a lot of women who do not meet that standard and will tell you they are okay with it. But out of the general earshot, they are not. We shouldn’t be. The so called standard is generally an unreachable goal for any woman.
And worse yet, science has shown there is a very small range of what facial characteristics are associated with being a woman than men. And there is a small range for which our bodies are considered attractive. Ouch.
In the past week, I finally decided to run into my body positivity issues. Right off, we know I am a woman who is transgender. I have been on hormone therapy for 9 months. I don’t have a lot of breast development. Some, but from my perspective, not quite enough to avoid augmentation. But there is time, and I digress.
I bought myself a bikini top. Yes, I wear it at home. Out on my patio. I would describe myself in a possibly self-deprecating way as ‘a small breasted pregnant woman in her second trimester’. Yes - first thing I thought out. Estrogen makes it hard to lose weight, especially when your body is convinced it is in puberty again. So, I am at least maintaining, within a pound or two from last summer. oh well.
Back to my bikini top. I realized while thinking about carrying out my trash that I didn’t want to go to the dumpster without a shirt. And I started asking ‘why’? because I don’t meet up with the expectations of what a woman looks like. Wait I tell myself. what does that have to do with anything.
Me responds by saying ‘well, I don’t want to get called out as ‘not woman enough’’. There it is.
Women deal with body positivity issues all of their life in various forms. Transgender women have to deal with those same issues, and those created by gender dysphoria and body dysmorphia. The three can exist individually, when a person has two or more of them, the stress and goals to treat them can get challenging.
I will be uncomfortable in my woman’s body for a while yet. Maybe always. But this story has the start of a happy ending.
I have been out in public within my apartment complex going to the dumpster, walking my dog, wearing a pair of shorts and my bikini top. Not sure I am ready for a crowd yet, but it felt good to take that small step.
Just for me.